The one thing that’s off limits in my relationship

Couple Spouse

Saturday morning I was watching an episode of Will and Grace (boy do I ever love that Jack).  Grace just married Leo (Harry Connick Jr.) when he decided to extend his stay in South America with Doctors Without Borders.  Grace was obviously upset that she didn’t get to enjoy the honeymoon period with her new husband but she didn’t say anything to him about her concerns.  Grace’s friends encouraged her to tell Leo how she felt.  When they asked Grace why she didn’t tell Leo how she really felt she said “Our marriage is so new, I don’t want to show my true colors.”

This statement got me thinking, how fake do we have to be to make our relationships work?  I have been with my boyfriend a long time, a really long time, and I like to think that we have a great relationship.  But then I started thinking a little bit deeper.  Even though we’ve been together for over a decade there are still some things that I will never say to by boyfriend.

I don’t think we have to lie to our spouses to make them happy, Lord knows my boyfriend doesn’t.  He is always brutally honest, sometimes so much it hurts.  He just says that being honest is the best policy and I do agree.  However there are just some things that I won’t say, not because they are mean, just because it’s not my place to give an opinion.

Off limit topics in our relationship

His family.   I learned very early on in our relationship that his family is off limits.  Now I keep my opinions to myself when it comes to my boyfriend’s family.  The main reason is because he knows his family better than I do and giving my opinion (if it conflicts with his) is only going to cause friction in our relationship and I don’t want that.  Ultimately my boyfriend is going to do what he thinks is best when it comes to his family so there is no point in stirring the pot, even if I think he’s making a wrong decision.

My family.  My relationship with my mom, dad and sister is complicated and honestly I think my boyfriend is tired of hearing about it.   I stopped talking to my boyfriend about my spineless dad, manipulative mother and my ever righteous sister – mostly because I think he stopped listening many moons ago, but also because there is no possible way he could understand what I’m going through.

My boyfriends family is picture perfect and my dad lives in a trailer park, it’s not exactly comparing apples to apples.  So I just keep all the animosity and anger inside and try to let it go through a healthy outlet such as yoga – or sharing with you.   It’s much better for our relationship if our families stay off limits.

The one thing that is not off limits in our relationship is money, my boyfriend and I always talk about our family finances.  Right now we are mostly talking about our new apartment – no we haven’t found one yet.  We have to decide what little luxuries we want and how much we are willing to pay for them.

Is there anything that’s off limits in your relationship?

Originally published on Blonde & Balanced

Photo from Flickr

Where are you looking for love?

looking for love

Yesterday I had my usual Sunday coffee date with my friend Anna, you remember her, my friend who always tells me about her dating horror stories.  She is very open about all the jerks she’s gone out with and I honestly think sharing the stories helps her work through the issues, it’s a form of personal therapy.

Looking for love in all the wrong places

I asked her what she is looking for in a man and where she is looking for them.  She told me that she is looking for men in the only place she knows to look…at bars.  Now back in your 20s there were only a few places to meet men and only one place to meet a really good man.  Back then we could probably meet a man in the school library but who wants to spend their Saturday nights at the library.  So that leaves only one place to find men in your 20s…in a bar.

This is definitely the wrong place to find men.  There are a few problems with meeting men in bars, one: they are drunk and two: they are only looking for one thing.  That one thing usually lasts less than 24 hours.  So if you are looking for a long term relationship you probably won’t find it in a bar.

Is your true love online?

Nowadays people rely on the internet, it’s true for shopping and research it’s also true for their love lives.  I’ve heard both good and bad stories about people who met online.  One of my good friends met her boyfriend online; within a year she was engaged, married and pregnant.  That was a true happily ever after.

I had a friend in high school who connected with someone in an AOL chat room (It was the 90s), met him in person, fell in love, got pregnant and he bailed never to be heard of since.  I guess you just never know who’s out there.  But that can be said for anyone on the street just like everyone on the internet?

Look for quality love close to home

If you are single in your 30s where can you find your soul mate?  I think the best place to find your perfect match is at the office.   If you are like me your life consists of three things: work, home and the grocery store so where else would I meet someone (if I was single) if it isn’t at work?

I definitely think that two people working in the same office can be messy, especially if they break up, but this is only true if they work in a small office.  Two people working at the same company in different departments can be a match made in heaven.

An office romance means you both come from similar backgrounds, may have similar levels of education and you will probably have a lot to talk about.  It also means that your spouse will probably be more understanding about working long hours if they know the pressures of your common workplace.

My photos on Flickr

Originally published on Blonde & Balanced

Kim K

Why is Kim Kardashian so rich?

Kim KIf there is one thing that I really hate in this world it’s snotty little rich kids who have everything handed to them.  Maybe it’s a little bit of jealousy and a whole lot of envy, but I just can’t stand people who have everything in life served to them on a silver platter.  However at the same time I can’t get enough of watching their lives.  I was obsessed with the TV show Gossip Girl and I religiously watch The Real Housewives.  But one show that I just can’t get into is Keeping up with the Kardashians.

What does it take to be a success?

Every time I see a preview for Keeping up with the Kardashians on the E! network I think to myself, what is this show about? I honestly don’t care about what happens in the lives of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney or any of the other Jenner/Kardashian family members.  However everywhere I turn all I see is one of the Kardashian kids promoting their products.

As far as I know none of the Kardashian’s graduated from college and none of them have a business degree.  So how is it possible that they have a multi-million dollar empire?  I have seen clothing line deals with the retail chain Sears, nail polish deals with OPI, their own clothing store named Dash and most recently a brand new “day in the life” app where people can actually live a day in the life of Kim Kardashian.  Yes that’s right people can actually download an app on their Smartphone and make the daily choices that Mrs. Kim herself would make.

Why am I working so hard every day?

What does this see about America?  It says that uneducated people who have pretty faces, hot bodies and are always at the forefront of every Hollywood scandal can becomerich and famous.  It says that people can make boat loads of money without even working for it.

I personally don’t think the Kardashians should be famous and they definitely shouldn’t be rich either.  They are poor role models that tell young girls all they have to do is wear tight clothes and make sex tapes if they want to be famous.

Take a peek through the looking glass

However just to play devil’s advocate let’s just look at the other side of things.  Let’s take the exact same information: no education, no specific talent and a pretty face and look at it from a different angle.  The Kardashians have taken their good looks and turned them into an international brand with product lines and endorsement deals.  They have also squirmed into the social circles of Hollywood’s elite to marry successful athletes and famous singers.

Kim Kardashian may have first been discovered as a teen because of her infamous sex tape, but now she is a very rich woman, wife and mother who has created an empire solely out of her name.  Her brand is herself.  She doesn’t have a specialty, she doesn’t give advice and she isn’t actually qualified to do anything.  However she’s made a fortune.  So here’s the question: is Kim Kardashian just another spoiled brat living off her parents money or is she truly a smart business woman?

Originally published on Blonde & Balanced

Photo from Google+